May 13, 2011


Where does inspiration come from? To do anything, does anyone really understand it? Can it be controlled? In many cases the answer is yes. You can push yourself to be in the right place to get inspired. You force yourself off the couch and go for a walk. A week later the walks have inspired you to do some aerobics, or in my case, eat more doughnuts. Who’s to say inspiration is always a positive thing. I never felt doughnuts are negative, except when I have to fit in an extra workout to burn the calories.

I’ve been pushed lately by the life around me, career wise anyway, to listen to what my inspiration wants me to do. My plans didn’t put me where I wanted to be. I’ve become unsatisfied with just working a day job doing things for people that I don’t really enjoy. Don’t get me wrong; compared to a lot of jobs, it’s great. I love my co-workers, my boss is great, and the work is challenging enough to keep me from getting bored, and yet it’s not stressful. Money is ok, but come on, is anyone every satisfied with their current salary? The hours are good. So what’s wrong with this picture? How does that inspire me to do something else? Well, simply put, I have a sense of restlessness. It’s always been there crawling in my head like a snake coiling around my mind. Squeezing it when I become too complacent in life until I reach a point I can’t take it anymore. Then I get anxious, and I begin the hunt for a new job. Sadly it’s taken years for me to realize this. Some people catch on quicker, but that nagging pressure has finally being fed. And it’s got a voracious appetite. I don’t really understand why, but I have to write. It makes me sane; it aligns the world for me. I’ve never done it professionally, but I’ve always done it in some form or another. And it’s always been with the mindset that someday I want to write novels.

I realized this week where that restlessness of life came from. That everlasting hold to a dream, which I always felt was just that. It’s just a dream. Something people never truly get to strive for in reality, I always felt Peter Pan was a fool. This week, I realized the source of that spark, because I received news that broke my heart about that one person. When I was little, she used to encourage me to dream, and she never put down any dream I came up with. I dreamed of being a writer most of my life, and there have been many other people close to me who have said I should go for it, and I always shrugged and moved onto the next day job. I was always listening to the negative people who said it would be more work than it’s worth, better off making the easy money. This week, the news I got was that my grandmother is dying of lung cancer. They can’t operate, this is it. I felt my inspiration die for a moment, and then it came back to life more powerful than ever. She is one of the most beautiful people to ever walk the Earth. No matter where she will be in the future, she will inspire me, and I will always think of her when I complete a novel. And there will be many to come.

I hope everyone who has a dream finds their inspiration and listens to it. Don’t ignore the dreams, make them goals. Don’t waste another moment of your life just getting by. That’s not living. That’s dying slowly. If you want, share what inspires you in the comments below.

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