Jul 22, 2011

Edward Cullen is a Bad Boy,

I’m not a big fan of Twilight. No it isn't because it's a romance, or because the vampires are sparkly. I don't care if Stephen King said Meyer was a bad writer. Although, I'm with King on that she's not great, but I think he goes too far, she isn't terrible. It's not because the movies were terrible adaptions, especially with the casting of the cardboard Kristen Stewart who is physically incapable of having emotional expressions, unlike Bella who is an emotional wreck.

It's plain and simple. I grew up with a rule at the dinner table. Don't play with your food. Simple.

Here's another issue I have with the whole vampire love thing. In a world where Vampires might exist, their glamour would always muck up a real relationship. You would never know if you were charmed or in love. The way Bella acts when he's not around is more like her being charmed supernaturally. It's kind of sick that Edward would do such a thing and then drag her around and marry her and all and everyone but me thinks it’s so romantic. Seriously Edward, stop playing with your food and eat it. You're a vampire for goodness sake. It's like me saying I love this chicken so much I'm going to watch it sleep every night and then marry it. Sadly I've heard weirder things in the real world and there is also the existence of vegetarians, so that is a terrible example. But he's a vampire. A more accurate example is like a Wolf and a Sheep falling in love. Eventually he'll lose himself and then she's what she's always been. The bone he buried in the backyard to save for later. He's a predator of humans, he can't help himself. That wolf never feels bad for eating the sheep, and frankly I love bbq, sorry vegetarians, so what is the deal with vampires and having human morals? If she smelled so delicious, then he should have drank up. That's how I would have ended it too. Instead of that X-Men showdown ending she came up with, but then I also think Romeo and Juliet is the best romantic story ever written. Tragedy or not, it pulled my heart strings. But it is Meyer's multimillion dollar baby, not mine so there you have it. She wins. I'm just a small person with a big mouth... err pen... alright a shiny keyboard!

Let me have it Twihards, or agree if you like, just keep it from getting personal. I'm not attacking Meyer here, she's a professional writer and has had great success. I'm just not a fan.


  1. I haven't tried the books. I was never a fan of vampires and werewolves (preferred it when they were considered horror and weren't clogging up the shelves in the SF/F section :P), and Twilight doesn't sound like anything that I'd be interested in trying. So, I can't disagree with you, I'm afraid. ;)

  2. I always thought if vampires existed in the real world, they would have all died from AIDS. But that's just me.

  3. Very interesting post. LOL. I liked the books, they were a different twist of a modern day Romeo/Juliet theme. They definitely got my daughter to read at a time when forcing her to pick up a book was a pain. As a new author myself, I've seen things in Meyer's writing style that are both good and bad, and hey, we can learn from everything, what to do and what not to do. Having read the books, I can see her love of Shakespeare. They are catchy, and if your like me and love a story that never seems to end, they hey, you may like it. I must admit I was disappointed in the way the story ends, it felt a little rushed. But since I'm not under contract to write anything and the pressures not on me to fulfill my fan base/publishers needs, who knows what happened. And yes....Kristen Stewart does not play the character well. I've always thought that. Bella in the books is a heck of a lot more emotional than she is on the screen. But hey, what can I say.....either way, Meyers is getting paid!

  4. @ Lindsay: I'm a huge werewolf fan, and I read these because my wife is a big fan and we did one of those, I'll read that if you read this things. It wasn't horrible, but the entire time I kept going back to, what about his glamour? How does she really know she's in love or just glamoured? She isn't Sookie after all. The werewolf concept that Meyers did in the books was pretty neat though.

    @Paul: You know, I often wondered how many diseases they would get and if they did exist would they ever be able to detect if someone had a blood disease. Which would mean if you were sick, then you'd be safe from vampire attacks.

    MJ: There is a bit of a Shakespearean feel to the books now that you mention that. In a young adult kind of way. You pointed out the best thing about the entire Twilight series, it has gotten young people to start reading again. A new reading generation is an amazing thing. I've yet to see a movie that does a book justice. The best adaption I've seen is Lord of the Rings, and it was still a shadow to the overall epicness of the books.

  5. Twilight was the book that made me start writing. The series might be poorly written, but something about the books spoke to me. They reminded me what it was like to be a teenager and in love. I think that's the allure - not so much the supernatural aspects of the stories, but the "human" ones - emotional ones. I understand why a lot of people don't care for the books. To each his own. I enjoyed them.

  6. I think that human emotions are the best things a writer can build upon. Without them, no matter how flashy the rest is, it becomes shallow. My wife loved the series too, as do a lot of the women I know. The story is very well written from a women's point of view of being young and in love. There is nothing wrong with that approach at all, as I believe women are more the group these books are aimed at. I know a few men who like it, but the most often critique I've heard from other guys, myself included, is that Bella is a little over the top emotionally. I have a few sisters and a wife I've known a long time and I've learned, that's actually normal for many girls. Twilight gave me more insight into what goes on in a young woman's mind. Also, being a bit into athletics and outdoorsy stuff, I could not relate to the aloof emotional Edward and most of the time I wanted to give him a swirly. I was able to relate to Jacob much more.

    The first author I ever read that made me want to pick up a pen and start writing was actually JRR Tolkien. Believe it or not. The Lord of the Rings is still the only set of books, I've read more than once all the way through.

  7. You have taken a sparkly dagger and stabbed me in my Twilight adoring heart (stagger stagger, fall down and die) I laughed a lot first though, before falling down.
    This is a funny critique of the series and the ever-hot-ever-delicious Edward. What I loved about the books, is that for me, Meyer made it OK to be gooey. Lush with too many words and too much emotion. She captured the hard (but fleeting) hit of first love and turned it into forever. Like your comment above - the story is very well written from a woman's point of view. I read it and lit up with "Ohmigosh, been there, felt that, cried that, done that, said that..." (so i was a lame teenager, so shoot me lol)

    The movie adaptations leave much to be desired. Some superficial critiques would be - HELLO how can a weedy skinny Pattinson possibly be the wonderful Edward? And yes Stewart and her cardboardness is very irritating.

    Normally I would send out Deatheaters and the Volturri to hunt down any who dare to say bad things about Edward, but since you made it so entertaining - i guess I will forgive you and still be a new follower lol.

  8. I appreciate that. Lol, the Volturri are more to my liking in the vampire world. Manipulative, powerful and don't bother with formalities when it's feeding time.

  9. While I enjoy True Blood for its campy silliness, I just couldn't get into the Twilight series. That first book is one of only a handful over the years that I was unable to finish.

    Buffy the Vampire Slayer, however, is one of my all time favorite shows.

  10. For some reason I missed out on Buffy, but it's on Netflix. I need to check it out, lots of people saying I should.

    I enjoyed the 1st season of True Blood, that's another I need to finish. Or catch up on.

  11. What I got from the books was that he was just as "glamoured" as she was - the scent of her blood drove nearly bonkers, which is why he initially runs away. I think Meyer was drawing a parallel to the werewolf "Soul Mate" thing she shows later. I thought the books were hard work, but perfectly captured the icky drivel of teen romances. Eternally whinging, dragging on forever, and of little interest to anyone who isn't a teen girl.
    My problem with Vampires these days is ID. You have to be good to forge documents in the computer age. How do they get around that? And why does living for a long time always equate with rich?

  12. I would say you're right about Meyers direction on the soul mate and teen romance thing. When I was a teen my relationships with girls were not so romantic, but this is a romance, so I won't knock it for that.

    As far as being rich for living a long time, that's a valid question. There are advantages that you are able to accumulate more over time, but rich shouldn't be an automatic, but it seems to always be for vampires.

    I never thought about the ID thing, but there are ways of changing ID illegally using the names of infants and children who die. So you get a birth certificate for proof. Not sure on the details, but I've heard about that. Immortality can be tracked however. Ask the Highlander.

  13. ooh, if this gets out, you are gonna be so hated by all those scary ppl. Great article, I found it sobering. Check out my URL in a couple of days, if they pub, my piece on writing tips, "My Novel Writing Formula". Not pimpin here, if you don't find fall out your chair hilarious, let me know and I will buy you lunch. After novel gets pub'ed, of course.

  14. I'll take my chances. Little do those Twihards know, I'm crazier than them. ;)

    I read your URL, interesting formula. It amazes me still that I've never seen two writers do it the same way.